Trying to Stay Focused
It's been WAY too long since I've written in here. Since I last blogged, I've started bioidentical hormone replacement therapy (BHRT), retested my hormones (now 3 times), and keep tweaking the dosage with my doctor's guidance.
When I first started taking the estrogen replacement (Divigel) it was like I had been possessed! Within a matter of days I was moody AF, found myself gaining weight immediately, and was somehow unable to any longer handle my booze. Up until the estrogen replacement, I have always been a pretty even keel kinda girl. My husband and I used to joke about how we never argued. I was just me- maybe intense and a little OCD- but always "me."
Suddenly I found myself losing my shit- all the time! I had more screaming matches with my husband in a week than we have had in 4 years! I was ready for a fight- every night! On top of that, I could no longer handle my liquor. To be total forthright, I was used to 2-3 glasses of wine several nights a week. Suddenly I was getting shit-faced with just 2. Not like, "ooh, that's a nice buzz." No- like holy crap, throwing up, unable to walk straight. And it would hit me fast!!
Over the last few years I had been feeling pretty good about being able to maintain my weight by keeping carbs low and just getting good workouts in a few times a week. I didn't have to starve myself, count calories, or worry about how much drinking I was doing. I had found a sweet spot where I could eat well, have fun, and still button my jeans. To be in your forties as a woman, that is definitely a point of pride. Not anymore. Within a couple weeks, without changing my habits, I had gained like 7 pounds!! And for someone with a history of disordered eating and body dysmorphia, this was NOT good.
I chatted with the doc, and we ended up adding in some progesterone to balance the estrogen. After a couple weeks my mood seemed to stabilize at least. The weight was still coming on, and I was finding myself going to back to calorie counting and cranking up my workouts. Exactly the stuff I tell my clients not to do!!
After another meeting with the doc, we opted together to see what some testosterone would do. That seemed to be the missing piece. Although naturally my estrogens and progesterone were rather low, I've always had robust testosterone (especially in relation to estrogens). So when we brought in the extra estrogen without keeping my old balance of testosterone, my everything went haywire!!
Over the last month I've been feeling more myself. I still can't eat whatever like I used to, but at least it's normalized. I'm no longer a raging psycho with my husband, and my energy is great. Best side effect: my libido!! Holy Moly!! Like BEST. EVER!! So, when I got my latest results back from Precision Analytical, I was not happy to see that my estrogens are still not high enough. Damn!!!
Tomorrow I have a follow up with the lab and with my doctor. I'm praying they don't want me to up my estrogen again. I just don't think I'm down for that. But I have to remember what this is all about- my bones!!